May 20th, 2019

The Void

As addicts and alcoholics we have this void inside of us. Almost like a piece of our soul is missing on the inside. It makes us feel as if we are not whole, because we aren’t. It’s the reason why we need validation from others, why we have no idea who we are, why we are so lost. It’s why we run from pain, why we have learned no coping skills, and why we constantly seek to feel better.

Most of us realized that when we used drugs or when we drank, we didn’t feel that void so much anymore. So we kept using and we kept drinking. We did everything we could to make that void within us disappear. We filled it every day with Heroin, with Meth, with Crack, with Alcohol, with shopping, with gambling, with another person (codependency), with food (overeating), with anything that made us forget about the fact that we weren’t whole.

We filled it with substances for so long that after a while, those substances didn’t work anymore. We kept trying to run from this void but it wasn’t going away… It was growing larger. We were trying to fill ourselves with harmful and negative things. And in turn, these things made it worse.

When we came to the realization that drugs weren’t working anymore, we had no idea what to do. Some of us made it to sobriety and some of us continued to try and fill it with drugs and alcohol. Those of us who came into recovery realized that without drugs and alcohol, we felt the entirety of the void in our chest.

In order to patch up this void inside of us, we must learn about spirituality. We must nourish our spirit. Learning about principles likes love, faith, hope, open-mindedness, willingness, courage, acceptance, understanding, patience, service, and learning how to live by them is a great place to start.

When we begin to live our lives by these principles we start to learn who we are. We begin to fill that void with those principles. Every time we act on one of these principles, we patch up another piece of that hole. Until one day, we realize that we don’t feel the void as we did before. We realize that we are whole.

Fill your void with those principles. Fill your void with positivity, love, and hope. Fill your void with kindness and forgiveness. Fill your void with serenity and understanding. Fill your void so you may become whole.

-Kassie Sullins

Heroin to Heroine